Darkness
by TheMagus'Grimorum
Summary: Magus struggles with the darkness within himself, a struggle that he doesn't think he can win. But when Princess Catherine asks him to always be there, to fight against the darkness, how can he possibly say no? How can you say no to the woman you love? A story about fighting depression. Pre-Magus/Catherine


Dislcaimer: I do not own Gargoyles or related character names or themes. This is strictly for enjoyment.

Authors Note: So, I can't be the only one who thinks Magus struggled with depression right? And I'm not talking like that depression one gets when they lose a best friend or get sucky grades or life just sucks depression. No I mean, like hardcore medical condition depression. I think he did, I think that that would be something that he would have to deal with every day, fighting off the self loathing and sadness. I know it is sad to think about but, I think it would add so much more to his character.

Darkness

Magus sat in the castle library reading through the few texts that he had been able to translate. He'd read and reread them nemorous times but he still found that he did not grow bored with them; in fact, with every reread he found that he came to enjoy them more and more. There were always phrases, and passages that he never understood or had never paid much attention too but now saw with clarity. He'd set to writing his own stories, mostly recounts of his time at Castle Wyvern, and past events.

The events at Castle Wyvern still weighed heavily on his heart and probably always would. He could never forgive himself for the pain he had caused, and how he had treated Goliath and his clan. Setting the book down on the wooden bench he bowed his head and closed his eyes, self loathing creeping over him like some dark plague. For so long he'd viewed the Gargoyles as beasts, not worth considering. He'd cursed them, hated them, but he'd been wrong. He'd been so wrong all along. He had misjudged them, and because of his prejudice had cursed the few remaining Gargoyles to be as stone for perhaps all time.

With a softly strangled groan of self loathing Magus hid his face in his hands and shook his head. He could never forgive himself for what he'd done.

"Magus?" A small voice brought Magus back from the edge of the dark abyss of self loathing with a start. Twisting around on the bench he spotted a small figure hiding near the door. He smiled and turned all the way around.

"Angela, what are you doing? Come here." He called offering her a hand and a soft smile.

The small gargoyle slowly entered, wide eyes gazing up at him innocently. She approached and took his hand, holding the long pale digits in both her hands. "You know you don't need to hide from me." He stated as he gently brushed a strand of dark hair from her face with his other hand.

Angela, even as young as she was, was a vision of beauty. Her deep lavender skin and dark hair were stunning in the evening light. But even as beautiful as Magus though she was, he also couldn't help but feel an ache in his heart whenever he saw her. He knew that Gargoyles raised their young together as a clan, rather than as individuals, but he couldn't help but notice the similarities between Angela and Goliath and his mate. Something deep within him told him that she was the offspring of their joining, and even knowing how Gargoyle clans approached rearing young didn't help ease the guilt that he felt. She would never know her parents. She would never know the love of a parent Gargoyle.

"You looked upset, is something wrong?" Angela inquired, squeezing his hand a little harder to show her concern. He offered her a small smile and shook his head, using his other hand to rub at his eyes.

"Ah, no. No it is the light of the candle is all." He stated as he looked back down at her. "It is hurting my eyes."

"So you're not upset?" She asked in a quiet voice, just to be certain. He smiled and shook his head, placing his free hand over his heart.

"I can assure you that I am perfectly fine." His assurance brought a bright beaming smile to the young Gargoyle's face and she jumped up and hugged him, her arms wrapping around his neck. He quickly wrapped his arms around her to hold her up.

"I'm glad." She cheered before leaning back to look at him. "I don't want you to be sad Magus, not when you are so loved." She said, gently running her fingers across his brow. The Magus couldn't help but smile genuinely at that.

Even though they were human and were raising the Gargoyle children with more human customs than Gargoyle, they had managed to teach them some things, small things they themselves had recalled from their past. This, the light caressing of the brow, was a sign of affection; an equivalent to a human kiss.

"If that is the case, than I in turn do not want you to be sad little one, because you are loved by many." He said gently running his thumb across her brow ridges. He smiled and gently squeezed her before setting her down and standing up with a stretch. He'd been sitting for quite a long time and could feel the stiffness in his back and legs.

"Oh Magus, I know I am loved. I have thirty-five wonderful brothers and sisters who love me, And Tom and Catherine, and you to. I am very blessed and very loved." She shook her head. "I don't know how I could possibly be sad." She said excitedly as she lead the way out of the library, Magus following close behind.

As they made their way outside Angela climbed onto the stone wall by the door and looked down at Magus, her talons holding firm to the stone. He paused to look up at her.

"And you mustn't forget either Magus, that you are loved by your family. Loved by all thirty-six of us, and Tom and Catherine as well." She stated before climbing the rest of the way up and gliding off to find her rookery brothers and sisters. Magus smiled as he watched her go, a sense of melancholy coming over him. He knew that he was indeed loved, but he still felt so alone.

"The night is warm." Magus blinked and turned back to find Catherine standing with her hands behind her back in the castle doorway. He hadn't even heard her approach.

"Yes, it is. Is your evening fairing well Princess?" He inquired as she stepped out into the air. He couldn't help but notice how the torch light reflected on her hair. She smiled.

"Fairing well enough Magus. It has been a rather slow evening, what with Tom in bed with the chills." She shook her head. "Even here in this magical place we can fall ill."

"Tis true your highness. But Tom will be alright, I checked in on him earlier this evening. Soon his fever will break and he will recover." He chuckled. "He'll soon be back playing with the children."

She smiled up at his comment, her eyes shining even brighter in the torchlight.

"Yes, I'm certain he will be at that." She moved for the steps, glancing over her shoulder at him. "Walk with me Magus." She requested as she made her way down the steps. He didn't hesitate to follow her, stepping up beside her easily enough.

They walked in silence for a long time, making their way through the trees, the moon their only source of light. Magus watched as the Princess walked. The moonlight showcased her beauty, reflecting beautifully off of her hair and causing her eyes to sparkle in a mysterious way. Even her skin seemed to glow through the darkness. As he took in her beauty his heart clenched and he found himself having to look away. She was beautiful, he'd always thought so. He'd always been deeply in love with the Princess, and after the fall of Castle Wyvern and their mission to protect the Gargoyle eggs he thought that perhaps they could be together. But after coming to Avalon, and Magus having to leave the Grimorum behind, he no longer thought that. He had nothing to offer her, nothing of worth; because now, without his book of spells, he was nothing. He was worthless.

"You've been quiet my friend." Catherine noted as they came into a small clearing surrounded by tall trees and thick bushes. Magus blinked, a bit taken off guard by her comment. He shrugged his shoulders and shook his head.

"It was not my intention to be quiet Princess, do you wish to talk about anything?" She smiled at his response and turned taking his hand.

"I wasn't questioning you, merely making an observation." She assured before releasing one of his hands but using the other to pull him down to the grass where they both sat. "You usually aren't so withdrawn. Do you have something on your mind?"

"This is you not questioning?" He inquired with a cocked brow and a playful smirk. She lightly swatted his arm and returned his smirk with a playful one of her own.

"You know what I mean you devil. If there is something causing you worry and you could share it with me than I wish that you would. Perhaps I could help."

Magus was quiet for a long while, pondering whether or not if he should tell his woes to the Princess. They didn't concern her, not really, and why should he cause her grief with his problems? Shaking his head he forced a smile and lightly patted her hand in attempt to reassure her.

"Nothing to worry about Princess I assure you." But Catherine was no ones fool. She gently took his hand in both of hers and held it firmly.

"I am not a fool Magus, and I am not a simpering girl who cannot handle things."

"Of course not Princess, I would never say that." He said, worried that he'd insulted her. She ran her thumb across his knuckles.

"Magus," She sighed scooting closer to him. She pressed a hand against his chest and gazed up at him. "there is a darkness in you Magus, and it haunts you. I didn't notice it at first, but now I can. It is beginning to show through," she said lifting her hand from his chest to gently cub the side of his face, her thumb running under his eye. "it's killing you Magus. It is slowly eating away at you, soon you will be gone and only this darkness shall remain." She exclaimed. He closed his eyes and took her hand, moving it from his face. He bowed his head.

Easing even nearer she pressed against his side and gently wrapped her free arm around him and pressed her cheek agains his shoulder. "I don't want to lose you Magus, you mean to much to me. So don't let it win." She stated a bit harsher than she'd intended. He blinked and looked down at her, lowering their clasped hands between them. She frowned up at him. "Don't you dare let it win! You fight Magus! You fight it back, don't let it take control." She gripped his hand tighter. "You are stronger than that!"

"No, I'm not." He said miserably, closing his eyes and turning his face away from her. "I'm weak, worthless." He breathed out, his voice hitching slightly as the self loathing washed over him again. Quickly rising to her knees beside him Catherine took his face in her hands and turned him to look at her.

"No you're not! Don't say it, don't think it!" She snapped. "You're strong Magus, and you aren't worthless! You have never been worthless!" She said firmly as she frowned at him. He avoided her gaze and she took his shoulders and shook him slightly. "Look at me!" Pressing her forehead against his as his eyes met hers she let her anger melt away as she held him close. "You're not worthless to me Magus. You're my best friend. We wouldn't have made it here if it weren't for you."

"If it weren't for my magic, but I don't have it anymore I don't—"

"Shhh." She pressed a finger to his lips. "Don't think so poorly of yourself. You are more than your magic Magus."

"But without it—"

"Without it you are still you, you are still the Magus, and you are still my best friend." She settled against him, holding him close and resting her head on his shoulder. She closed her eyes. "You will always be important to me Magus, so please, please don't let the darkness inside of you win. Don't let it take you away from me, I don't know what I'd do if you—" her voice broke and she held him tighter. Wrapping his arms around her he returned the embrace and rested his cheek atop her head.

"I won't go won't go anywhere Princess, I won't leave you. I promise." He sighed. He didn't know if he could fight off the darkness, but he would not break his vow to the Princess. He wouldn't leave her, and he would always strive to be that man she said he was. He would strive to be strong and worthwhile, even if he didn't think he was.


End file.
